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In the end, it was the rosary that got them through.

With face-to-face visits banned due to the coronavirus, Carolee Medico Olenginski desperately grasped for ways to reach her husband, retired orthodontist Jan Olenginski, so he wouldn’t feel lonely and deserted.

Before COVID-19, she leisurely visited him multiple times each day in his private room at the Mercy Center Nursing Unit in Dallas, even selling her home to move closer to him. To fill in the gaps, she paid local college students to wheel him around the campus and provide additional companionship.

That constant personal contact abruptly ceased with her last allowed visit on March 9 last year, leaving her at a loss.

Video chats were not an option because her husband is visually impaired.

At one point they were permitted a brief visit separated by glass, which turned out to be a fiasco and “torture.” He didn’t realize it was her on the other side because she appeared as a shadow to him from that vantage point, she said. A stroke victim, he knew what he wanted to say but struggled to voice the words.

“By the time he would get the words out and express himself, the 10 minutes we were allotted were over,” said Medico Olenginski, who is known by many locally for her past post as elected Luzerne County prothonotary.

“He said he went back to his room and cried. I literally went back to my home and sobbed.”

His verbal challenges also made their frequent phone calls difficult, she said.

Feeling powerless to close the growing void between them, she started to recite the rosary on their phone calls.

Her soothing voice and the repetition of the prayers calmed them both and removed his pressure to carry on a conversation. She knew he was engaged because he responded with Amens and the sign of the cross.

“I really feel that has been our strength,” she said of the phone prayer sessions. “We were hanging on by a thread.”

Constant campanions

Back in the day, they took advantage of the vitality they knew would not last with golf outings, ballroom dancing and other social activities.

He’s 84, and she’s 76.

They will be married 21 years in June but were together 15 years before their wedding.

As he developed health issues and suffered a stroke that requires 24-7 care, they accepted their new reality and made a commitment to treasure every day they had left together, she said.

She has been in physical therapy for back problems and developed severe high blood pressure last year that she attributes to the stress of their forced separation.

“When you reach a certain age, every day is a gift. Jan and I used to laugh that we don’t buy green bananas anymore,” she said.

The most painful loss of the pandemic was the simple act of providing a comforting touch and holding hands, particularly for loved ones suffering from medical issues, she said.

Many days, her own loneliness prompted her to drive to the Dallas nursing home and sit outside, hoping somebody would wheel him past a window so she could get a fleeting glimpse of him.

She said her heart breaks for those who did not make it because they died, alone, from COVID-19, including some in her family.

“We are getting through it, but some people are not that lucky,” she said.

Reunited at last

They’ve both received the required COVID-19 vaccine double dose, and the go-ahead for her first visit in a year was granted Thursday.

Her stomach was in knots as she entered his room.

At first he didn’t realize it was her because of his fuzzy eyesight and her face hidden behind a mask.

“Honey, I’m here,” she joyfully announced.

Recognizing her voice, he smiled ear-to-ear.

What followed was more than an embrace. They clung to each other for several minutes, she said.

“I can’t believe you’re really here. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again,” he repeatedly said.

“It was heartbreaking. It really was,” she said, recounting the moment. “It’s difficult to describe because I’ve never experienced anything like this.”

They will take what they can get, but she said it’s still only a fraction of what once was because her visits are currently limited to about a half hour, weekdays only.

That time slot passes quickly, she said.

When she returned Friday, she chose lunchtime so she could focus on encouraging him to eat more.

He held her hand and didn’t want to let it go.

“He can’t see or talk as well right now, so touch is absolutely everything, especially after a year of not touching,” she said.

Leaving after the brief visit was hard, especially because she wouldn’t be permitted to return again until Monday, she said.

For his benefit, she faked a smile and delivered an upbeat goodbye.

She kept it together until she got inside her car to break down yet again.

Support from other

After she and her husband recently completed vaccination, Medico Olenginski had reached out to various state agencies pushing for the immediate restoration of visits.

She thanked state Rep. Aaron Kaufer, R-Kingston, for personally responding and connecting her to support services.

Kaufer said he has assisted others struggling to cope with the loss of contact with loved ones in nursing homes.

“Your heart breaks for these people,” he said. “Maybe some got to visit through a window or glass, but so many were unable to make even that happen.”

Kaufer said he suffered quarantining apart from his wife when he tested positive for COVID-19 in January, missing their hugs and kisses.

“That’s only a couple of weeks. I couldn’t imagine going through a year of that,” he said.

A support service Kaufer recommends is the Long-Term Care Ombudsman program, which provides advocacy for residents with concerns about their quality of life or care in nursing, personal care and assisted-living facilities. Medico Olenginski spoke highly of the program.

Ombudsman volunteers receive training and certification to respond to residents’ issues and mediate their concerns with facilities, staff, co-residents and families, said Ombudsman Mary Ann May, of regional legal aid agency North Penn Legal Services.

The ombudsman program is encouraging facilities to open up and allow as much visitation as safely possible, said May, who supervises the ombudsman program funded by the state Department of Aging and the Luzerne-Wyoming Counties Area Agency for Aging.

After a year apart from loved ones, vaccinated residents are “more than ready to start” restoring their connection to the outside world, May said.

“The isolation is more detrimental to the their health now than COVID-19,” May said.

Now that long-term care facilities are starting to reopen visitations, May said she is seeking more citizen volunteers to help with a growing demand for advocacy assistance.

Volunteers will receive virtual training through computer programs and online virtual meetings and professional oversight and support from a supervising ombudsman. Volunteers should have basic computer skills and their own transportation to facilities.

Those interested in volunteering should contact May at 1-844-652-8083 or mmay@northpennlegal.org.

State Gov. Tom Wolf’s administration also weighed in on the issue Friday, strongly encouraging all long-term care facilities in the state to immediately implement new visitation guidance issued by the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services.

This guidance “acknowledges that there is no substitute for physical contact, such as the warm embrace between a resident and their loved one,” the state said.

“Therefore, if the resident is fully vaccinated, they can choose to have close contact, including touch, with their visitor while wearing a well-fitting mask. Regardless, visitors should physically distance from other residents and staff in the facility,” the state said.

State agencies are working on updated guidance for state-licensed personal care homes, assisted-living residences and intermediate care facilities.

“In the interim, these facilities should also immediately implement federal guidance where appropriate,” the state said.

Spouse describes pain of coronavirus separation from husband in nursing home