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Dallas and Wycallis Elementary students learn lifesaving lessons from Epilepsy Foundation

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Ralphie Report: Rozzi Crane and ZZ Ward — these ladies mean business

Sheetz released a statement on Wednesday morning that all locations will be pumping free gas on June 1 &#8212; but there&#8217;s a catch. You have to be fat in order to be eligible, according to the press release.Thomas Sheetman, the company&#8217;s co-founder and CEO, says the campaign is an initiative to give overweight customers across the country a break for a change. &#8220;The obesity rate in this country is at a staggering 300 percent,&#8221; Sheetman pointed out over the phone. &#8220;Fat people are the largest group of citizens &#8212; and customers &#8212; but they&#8217;re still the most underrepresented. They&#8217;re the most unappreciated. It&#8217;s time to change that; at least for one day.&#8221;Sheetman admits there was once a time when he judged people for their weight. &#8220;I was that guy who always had to give up my arm rest on a plane ride to Maui because a fat person sat next to me. I didn&#8217;t understand how they could get away with paying the same price as me when they took up more room and prevented me from spreading my legs and arms,&#8221; he said. &#8220;Then I saw a fat person cry at a funeral. I realized they&#8217;re people, too. They have feelings.&#8221;Not everyone agrees that overweight people have feelings. Gibney Hughett of Swoyersville said the idea that overweight people can feel hurt or pain is a flagrant liberal agenda. &#8220;Corporate companies shouldn&#8217;t be pushing their lifestyle choices on their customers. I&#8217;m pissed. I need to go shoot a gun in the middle of the woods and aim it at a bunch of empty beer cans,&#8221; he said before an asthma attack that caused him to go blind.Jadeson Riccola of Scranton says she doesn&#8217;t have anything against plus-sized people; she&#8217;s just upset that skinny people aren&#8217;t allowed to get free gas, too. &#8220;Why do they deserve it and I don&#8217;t?&#8221; she asked.According to Sheetman, skinny people don&#8217;t deserve free gas because fat people are better parents. &#8220;Fat people care about their children more,&#8221; he said. &#8220;They&#8217;re not too busy taking a Pilates class or lifting weights to pay attention to them.&#8221; Sheetman also added that obese individuals can benefit from free fuel because they drive more than skinny people. &#8220;They&#8217;re constantly driving to get fast food, their insulin or, shameless plug, their favorite MTO item.&#8221;Sister Mary of St. Martha Cathedral in Moosic says she thinks Jesus would be happy that fat people are being recognized as people. &#8220;Skinny people only buy food at Sheetz when they&#8217;re drunk,&#8221; she said, palms placed together with a rosary clenched hard. &#8220;Heavy people buy food all the time. That makes them better citizens, better people and better servants to Him.&#8221;The Fill It For Free If You&#8217;re Fat event starts at 8 a.m. and ends at noon, just in time for fat people to eat lunch, says Sheetman.

Sheetz is giving away free gas on June 1 but only to fat people