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Sun dominates the sky through the weekend

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Criminal charges expected against Kane

<p>I woke up at 10:00 today. I wish I could tell you that I wasn&#8217;t feeling well, or that I was drugged, but the fact of the matter is that I sleep really late. Apparently, it&#8217;s frowned upon, especially when I arrive at work yawning with sheet marks embedded into my forehead. I love sleep! Why does that provoke outrage in everyone who discovers this factoid about me? I&#8217;m a night owl and don&#8217;t enjoy early mornings in the least bit.</p><p>Mornings are not my finest hour.</p><p>When I whine to my sister, Jennifer, about the harassment I receive regarding my late morning awakening, she simply states: &#8220;Well, everyone knows that you&#8217;ve always been a miserable slug in the mornings.&#8221;</p><p>&#8220;Harsh!&#8221; I insist, &#8220;I don&#8217;t even converse with anyone before 11 so how would you even know?&#8221;</p><p>She continued: &#8221; You have been this way since the Jurassic Period. Remember you had that bizarre morning ritual when we were kids?&#8221;</p><p>What my sister refers to is the strange plan I hatched as a child to guarantee more sleep in the mornings. Even now I&#8217;ll do absolutely everything I can the night before just to harvest extra snooze time the next morning. But nothing matches the peculiar custom I instituted as a 6-year-old.</p><p>In first grade, without my mother&#8217;s knowledge, (although I&#8217;m not sure how), I&#8217;d get completely dressed the night before school, and sleep perfectly poised and clothed under my blanket, almost corpse-like, so I wouldn&#8217;t wrinkle my ensemble. I would put on my tights and Buster Browns, my slip, my dress &#8212; everything. I believe we can categorize this peculiar behavior as &#8220;adorably eccentric.&#8221; Whatever. I bought myself at least 12 extra minutes of deep sleep each morning. I call it ingenious.</p><p>Or, perhaps she was referring to my other, equally odd morning proclivity. At about age 9, upon awakening for school, I&#8217;d proceed to the bathroom to pretend to wash-up and brush my teeth. I would then lie down on the bathmat, use a towel as a blanket and fall asleep for another 10 minutes! A little pre-school nap, if you will. I only woke-up when the pounding on the door from my five siblings was so intense it ruptured an eardrum.</p><p>A productive, civil morning for me requires divine intervention at the altar of Saint Folgers, and a force of nature defined as four plus cups of coffee, a Frisbee sized, carb-loaded bagel with a chaser of diet Dr. Pepper and no conversation for at least an hour. Unless someone dies, and then only hand gestures.</p><p>Don&#8217;t get me wrong. I wish I were a morning person. It just isn&#8217;t how I&#8217;m hardwired. I admire my husband&#8217;s pre-noon pleasantness. Maybe &#8216;admire&#8217; is the wrong word. Maybe despise is more like it. (He never gets the &#8220;no talking&#8221; morning memo). He barges into the kitchen every morning and booms: &#8220;How we doin&#8217; today?!&#8221; The happier he is in the morning, the more cranky I become. The kids think he&#8217;s great. He&#8217;s not scowling or snapping phrases like: &#8220;Look, if the waffle is still frozen, just bite down harder! What&#8217;s the big deal?!&#8221; His morning ritual consists of waking up, and enjoying the newspaper and my coffee &#8212; pre-golf. No wonder he&#8217;s perky. He&#8217;s leaving for 15 hours. (Because, as he says, &#8220;that last hole takes hours.&#8221;)</p><p>Maybe every morning I should tell Professor Perky Pants I need extra time in the bathroom. I&#8217;ll just take a little nap on the floor with a loofah as my pillow and de-puff my eyes with a few used tea bags while mainlining coffee.</p><p>Hey, maybe this could be my finest hour, after all.</p><style>
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<div class="metaInfo"><bylineMeta><p>By Maria Jiunta Heck</p><p>Life Deconstructed</p></bylineMeta></div><div class="metaInfo"><shirttailMeta><p>Maria Jiunta Heck of West Pittston is a mother of three, a librarian and a business owner who lives to dissect the minutiae of life.</p></shirttailMeta></div>

Life Deconstructed: Mourning morning time since forever