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Traffic report for Aug. 27

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LCCC receives student housing proposal, tables for more discussion

While Maria has to go through more post-breast cancer reconstructive surgery, she has agreed, perhaps against her better judgment, to let me be her guest columnist this week.You may remember me from some of Maria&#8217;s past columns. I&#8217;m the one who, after Maria&#8217;s third candy bar and fifth time complaining about her weight, rolled my eyes, slapped the chocolate out of her hand and demanded she come to Pilates with me.I&#8217;m the one who ran alongside her during her first 5k race, where I tried to calm her down after she discovered her race number was odd, not even, and attempted to encourage her through lots of awkward thumbs-ups because she couldn&#8217;t hear a word I was saying over her blaring boy band music.We kibitz all day at work and then text all night. And because she&#8217;s in bed convalescing for a week watching Real House Wives of Whatever City and reading back issues of her beloved People and US Weekly (and therefore can&#8217;t do anything about it), I thought I&#8217;d give her readers a peek into some of my favorite text conversations. Here is Maria at her best&#8212;unfiltered, unapologetic and unabashed&#8212;as funny in real life as she comes across in her column.On food:Maria: (picture of her holding a half-eaten Krispy Kreme donut) Look at what you made me doAnne: I hope it&#8217;s worth every sweet, sweet biteMarie: I need to eat better. I&#8217;m a messAnne: You seem to be eating pretty well to meMaria: Girl&#8230;ice cream in bed?Anne: Psh. That&#8217;s not so bad. Calcium for your brittle bones!Maria: Truuuuue***Maria: I accidentally ate a Klondike bar tonight.***Anne: Don&#8217;t forget. I have a lunch meeting todayMaria: Don&#8217;t forget my doggy bag***Maria: (picture of a bowl of ice cream) It&#8217;s what&#8217;s for dinner.Maria: Here&#8217;s a newsflash: I hate kaleAnne: How are you eating it??Maria: With my mouth***Anne: Do you like key lime pie? Was thinking about making one tonightMaria: The only lime I like is the one floating in my cranberry &amp; vodkaAfter a night out:Maria: Tip of the day: don&#8217;t vomit in a wicker wastebasketOn fashion:Maria: (picture of her wearing a Wilkes-Barre Scranton Roller Radicals roller derby tank top) I feel uber-coolAnne: OMG! So tough!Maria: I really amAnne: Gangsta MMaria: That name would sound so much tougher if I wasn&#8217;t wearing my granny panties with my roller derby shirtAnne: Granny M?***Maria: I&#8217;m warning you: I look like I am wearing the top half of a very, very bad bridesmaid&#8217;s dress todayOn marriage:Maria: I&#8217;m thinking the best thing to do as Anthony &amp; I approach the empty nest is to let him have his little activities and me mine and just accept itAnne: What can the two of you do together?Maria: Watch Big Bang? Dateline? 48 Hours?Anne: Well, I was thinking something more like an activity.Maria: Watching TV is an activity, sillyOn friendship:Maria: Did I get you a little piece of milk glass that says &#8220;cream or sugar&#8221;?Anne: No!Maria: Yes! I think it was a little milk carton that says &#8220;cream&#8221;! I am thrilled you love it so much you can&#8217;t remember it!On popular culture:Maria: Here&#8217;s what I&#8217;m sick of this week: Minions and Caitlyn JennerOn driving:Maria: I just drove to the levees with my emergency brake on. How bad is that exactly? On a scale from 1-10Anne: A 6. Why would you need to use it? You&#8217;re not parking on Mt Everest.Maria: I don&#8217;t know! I always use it! Every time!Anne: EMERGENCY brake!Maria: Huh. And all these years&#8230;On exercise:Maria: I ran last night and I have the potential to be half paralyzed todayAnne: Why is there no wheelchair emoji????Maria: I&#8217;m going to try to run now. If I don&#8217;t make it, tell my family I love them. Well, tell them I tolerate them.Anne: I will pray for you.<style>
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<div class="metaInfo"><bylineMeta>By Anne Bramblett BarrLife Deconstructed</bylineMeta></div><div class="metaInfo"><shirttailMeta>When not kibitzing and texting with Maria, Anne works as a librarian by day and skates with the local roller derby team by night.</shirttailMeta></div>

Life Deconstructed: Maria Deconstructed — texts to and from a good friend