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Pennsylvania Daybook

KENNETT SQUARE, Pa. (AP) — For all intents and purposes, Felix and Susan LaBoy's marriage of more than 29 years was over. She had moved out of the house, and divorce papers were pending. Although their three children are adults and on their own, the children hated the prospect of seeing their parents divorced. But late last year, Felix discovered a new program called ReEngage being offered at Willowdale Chapel outside of Kennett Square. It's a national relationship enrichment program for marriages in any condition, and the only one of its kind in Chester County. Though Susan considered dropping out half way through, they went through the 20-week course and "graduated." In a couple of weeks, they will be at the beach in Puerto Rico celebrating their 30th wedding by renewing their wedding vows. "If it wasn't for ReEngage, we would not be together right now," Felix said. "The program helped us refocus on issues we had, and how to talk to each other again. My wife now says she is falling in love with me more and more each day." Susan said the program gave them a chance to open up to each other by hearing from other couples experiencing marital problems. "We didn't' know what to expect going in," she said, "but after you invest that many years in a marriage, you want to explore every option to save it. We ended up growing apart from each other after the years because of life and its letdowns, the kids, and taking care of a sick mother. It all put a strain on the marriage." A troubling trend Because of the program, the LaBoy's of Cochranville avoided becoming a statistic that has been growing in America. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, the divorce rate in America now is 41 percent for a first marriage, 60 percent for a second marriage, and 73 percent for a third marriage. And the divorce rate among couples with children is 40 percent lower than couples without children. Incredibly, according to the CDC, half of all American children will witness the breakup of a parent's marriage. This is one of the reasons Brett Foester, associate pastor and marriage ministry director at Willowdale Chapel, along with his wife Lori, help to facilitate the program. "Anytime a strong marriage creates a better community, we want to be part of that," Foester said. "We teach off Biblical principles, but you don't have to believe in our beliefs. We realize that no one is perfect, and all marriages have issues, but in the end, there can be a mutual understanding." A big part of the program is about couples hearing stories from other couples. There are about 20 couples who help, and there are about 70 couples currently enrolled in the program ranging from couples married just six months to couples married more than 30 years. Six couples are separated and in the process of divorce. "A lot of this is about committing to a process," Foester said. "Our desire is to have full restoration. When people set out in marriage, they promise to love their spouse and be happy for a lifetime. We do not have all success stories, but there is a very high percentage. Regardless, there is a healing process, because a lot of couples are damaged through divorce or separation, especially if children are involved." What about children? Staying in marriage because of the children was one of the concerns of Mike and Karen DiMascola of Kennett Square. They finished the program in November, and have recommitted to each other. "We were struggling," Mike said. "We lost the ability to deal with everyday stuff that comes up in marriage. There were three kids, bills, jobs and we just grew away from each other." Mike said he and his wife lost the ability to communicate effectively, and the marriage went downhill. "You think to yourself, what is the alternative?" Mike said. "If you stay in it for the kids, you do it for all the wrong reasons, and it doesn't make (the marriage) better. We both realized it wasn't the end game either one of us wanted. This program worked without us even realizing it." ReEngage is not an alternative to marriage counseling, but in many ways, it works more effectively because couples can relate to other couples experiencing similar marital issues. Not about counseling "There are no professional counselors here," Foester said. "We partner with peacemakers who are trained on how to facilitate real conversations. A lot of times, people perceive if you are in counseling that something is wrong with you. We want to see marriages through. It's a proven program that reconnects, reunites and resurrects marriages." By advocating marriage and encouraging spouses to keep the bond, Foester said the community will be stronger, and children will be spared the devastation and emotional feelings that divorce incurs. Because children view their parents as supernatural people who can handle any problem, divorce shatters a belief system in them. Peter and Joelle Watercotte of Kennett Square have been married for 25 years and their marriage got to a point where they separated. They both figured it was the easy way out. Though they didn't reconnect through the program, they went through it and their marriage prospered. 'Like a date night' "We had our struggles years back, and this (program) taught us how to reconnect," said Peter, a local realtor along with his wife. "The program really works. It is for people whose marriages are in the tank, but also for people who have good marriages and want to reconnect and reunite, like a date night." One aspect of the program, Peter said, is a 15-second kiss challenge. "I dare a couple to try that," he said. Now, Peter and Joelle help facilitate ReEngage, and recommend it to clients. "We had a client looking to buy a house recently," Peter said. "The husband was crying because his wife was filing for divorce. We introduced them to the program. It's working out." Peter said all marriages have issues, and it's important to talk about them. "I like to sweep everything under the rug," he said. "Now, I say let's talk about this. (ReEngage) is an easy way to get immersed in the powers of a healthy marriage. It's probably the most fulfilling thing Joelle and I have ever done, period." Every marriage has triggers that signal trouble. For Felix LaBoy, he feels it was his anger that put a strain on the marriage. "I thought it was all over," Felix said. "My life was crushed. My kids were crushed and they knew we had issues, but they never thought she would move out. She moved out in October and was back by Thanksgiving, thanks to (ReEngage). We went to marriage counseling as well, but this is what did it, it really connected us." Said Susan: "I know we would not be together right now if we didn't go to ReEngage." For healthy marriages Foester said the program is not just for marriages on the brink of collapse. It is also for couples in healthy marriages looking to make their connection stronger. When couples first enter the program, they are asked to rate their marriage on a scale of zero (being the worst) to a 10. Some couples who enter with eights or nines come to realize that maybe their marriage could use a boost. "The beauty of ReEngage is it goes right to the heart of the issues, and tackle all of the topics that allow people to really start working on their marriage," Foester said. "We have had couples who started (the program) separated with papers signed, and we were able to bring full restoration. We have had couples go through multiple times, just to work on their marriage." ___ Online: http://bit.ly/1Wln1bW ___ Information from: Daily Local News, http://www.dailylocal.com

Chapel's program aims to strengthen, save marriages