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<p>Thanks to the Facebook feature &#8220;On This Day,&#8221; I&#8217;m all too often reminded of how blah of a friend I have become.</p><p>For instance, last week was my friend Kyrsten&#8217;s birthday. And because of Facebook&#8217;s incredible memory, I was reminded that every year for the past three years we&#8217;ve gone out to celebrate her birthday.</p><p>Pictures of us having too much fun to mention fill my timeline. I had a tear in my eye as I looked at the flushed-with-fun and smiling faces looking back at me. No doubt we were planning something &#8212; quite possibly ordering another round for the bar.</p><p>Last year I was in remission from endometrial cancer, so I was able to go out. Kyrsten and I were also celebrating a going-away of one of our other friends.</p><p>Since the cancer has returned and a tumor has been causing pain, I&#8217;ve been unable to party like my old self. I often take two or three days to recuperate from weekend trips to New York City.</p><p>I wake up Saturday morning to see the smiles on Snapchat, and I have a pang of guilt. Sometimes they say &#8220;come on out&#8221; or &#8220;we&#8217;re at <em>this</em> bar,&#8221; probably just to make me smile. It&#8217;s not that I intentionally ignore them. I am just sleeping, in Philly for treatment or just plain worn down.</p><p>As a cancer patient, it feels like there&#8217;s a non-stop wheel of things I have to get done. If I&#8217;m not taking medication, I&#8217;m trying to relax from a day at the office. Even if I have a good day at work, most nights I end up on the heating pad paying for the eight or so hours of good.</p><p>Typically, I&#8217;m trying to enjoy what I can of my life. Lord knows it&#8217;s not a lot.</p><p>I haven&#8217;t actually said a sentence to Kyrsten&#8217;s face in maybe six months (unless we&#8217;re agreeing Snapchat video is talking to someone). And not because I don&#8217;t want to.</p><p>I have found myself complaining to my mom more often than I&#8217;ve ever done. At 25, I hate sitting home on a Thursday, Friday or Saturday night. All to often, &#8220;it&#8217;s not fair&#8221; comes out of my mouth.</p><p>After a while, it&#8217;s not just forgotten Facebook birthday wishes I&#8217;m bad at. When I do manage to carve out time to see friends, it has to be on <em>my</em> schedule.</p><p>I have to make sure I&#8217;m not in pain or make sure I&#8217;m not going to fall asleep during a game of &#8220;Heads Up.&#8221; Also, spending time in my PJs instead of having to get all dolled up for an outing is something I will cherish forever.</p><p>For the friends who have made the trek to my house because our schedules line up, I appreciate your thoughtfulness.</p><p>Even then the nights aren&#8217;t as long as I want. I used to and still want to stay up until &#8220;nothing good happens after midnight&#8221; o&#8217;clock, chatting and laughing over our favorite movie or getting the lowdown on a hot guy.</p><p>I recognize I seriously suck at being a good friend right now. I&#8217;m hoping it&#8217;s not going to last forever &#8212; the feeling that my head is in the proverbial clouds. I&#8217;m treading through water, trying to regain some balance.</p><p>As the year continues to advance (Happy September ya&#8217;ll), I&#8217;m hoping I can learn to balance everything and not get wiped out from a day, no matter what I do. And as fun as it sounds, being able to binge watch your favorite TV show at 8 p.m. at night with a glass of iced tea at 25 years old is terribly unglamorous.</p><p>But I&#8217;m still here. I&#8217;m still trying to be me. And I still value our friendship.</p><p>Please hang on, I promise I&#8217;ll be there soon!</p><style>
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<div class="neCaption">8/1/2014 The Times Leader AIMEE DILGER</div></div><div class="metaInfo"><photo0>https://www.timesleader.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/web1_Melanie-Mizenko-2.jpg</photo0><caption0>8/1/2014 The Times Leader AIMEE DILGER</caption0><photoCredit0></photoCredit0></div></div>
<div class="metaInfo"><bylineMeta><p>By Melanie Mizenko</p><p>mmizenko@www.timesleader.com</p></bylineMeta></div><div class="metaInfo"><shirttailMeta><p>Reach Melanie Mizenko at 570-991-6116 or on Twitter @TL_MMizenko</p></shirttailMeta></div>

Beyond the Byline, Melanie Mizenko: Please excuse my bad friendship