web1_NWSLogo_400x400.jpg

Chance of showers, thunderstorms to linger into the weekend

3rd night of Miss America preliminaries on tap for Thursday

<p>Who decided a mostly vacant residence was a nest that has emptied, anyway? Let me tell you what is a better description: a vast, hollow void. Echoes of my own voice shouting: &#8220;pick up your dirty underwear from the bathroom floor, you pigs!&#8221; pinging off the plaster walls and resettling itself deep into my husband&#8217;s ears, where it is, as always, ignored.</p><p>It&#8217;s not a nest that&#8217;s emptied, it&#8217;s a house with muted, sad hallways and clean, non-musty rooms. It means spaces of solitude and questioning where and who I am.</p><p>It means a treasure hunt within their landfills. A seek and destroy mission that involves melted chocolate on pillowcases (at least I&#8217;m praying it&#8217;s chocolate), sunflower seeds stuck to carpets and 14 lost hall passes, excuses and several in-school suspension notices for being vastly tardy a copious amount of times. Without my knowledge.</p><p>It means for the first time in 25 years, I have left Gerrity&#8217;s with only one cart filled with real food. No Fruity Pebbles, no Gatorade, no granola bars, (let&#8217;s just call them what they are: candy bars), and no beef jerky. I never even realized there was an entire section dedicated to organic produce. I was too busy rifling through my coupons for $1 off Fruit Gushers and Snack Packs.</p><p>It means the entire issue of towel-gate has been resolved. For now, my bath towel will remain free of other people&#8217;s DNA and Buffalo chicken wing entrails.</p><p>Plus! A clean supply of towels! Because, although we began each week with stacks of pristine towels, by Wednesday I was using a threadbare &#8220;Harry Potter&#8221; beach poncho to dry myself off because, besides that and a toilet brush, there was nothing left!</p><p>It means I can watch all my recorded &#8220;Real Housewives&#8221; right in a row instead of fighting over the remote with two grown boys so they can watch Netflix shows they&#8217;ve already watched to death in their original form; i.e.: &#8220;That 70&#8217;s Show,&#8221; &#8220;The Office&#8221; and &#8220;Malcolm in the Middle.&#8221; And, I don&#8217;t have to hide the good popcorn and my low-fat DQ Fudgesicles anymore while I view my potpourri of bad TV.</p><p>Nirvana on a Popsicle stick, man.</p><p>It means the following items will not go missing on any given day and when the suspect is questioned, feigns innocence: my car keys, my phone charger, my computer charger, my computer, my hidden Milano cookies, my umbrella, my hidden Dove chocolate, my sanity.</p><p>It means I will go to bed and not worry about a child driving God-knows-where with God-knows, who after curfew. When I hear sirens, I can rest easily; it&#8217;s not my kid. This time.</p><p>It means that my days are quiet, my dinner time is quieter, my laundry pile is sparse and my toilet is clean.</p><p>It means a shot glass of sadness, a thimble full of melancholy and a heaping bowl of sighs.</p><p>It means, a nest, a cave, a birdhouse or my home, when it&#8217;s empty, it just isn&#8217;t right. It&#8217;s just a bunch of wood and plaster stones.</p><p>There&#8217;s only one thing left to do: count the days until Thanksgiving. And turn on &#8220;Real Housewives of NYC.&#8221;</p><style>
.neFileBlock {
	margin-bottom: 20px;
}
.neFileBlock p {
	margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px;
}
.neFileBlock .neFile {
	border-bottom: 1px dotted #aaa;
	padding-bottom: 5px;
	padding-top: 10px;
}
.neFileBlock .neCaption {
	font-size: 85%;
}
</style>
<div class='neFileBlock'>
<div class="neFile"><img class="neImage" src="https://www.timesleader.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/web1_mjh-1.jpg">
<div class="neCaption"></div></div><div class="metaInfo"><photo0>https://www.timesleader.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/web1_mjh-1.jpg</photo0><caption0></caption0><photoCredit0></photoCredit0></div></div>
<div class="metaInfo"><bylineMeta><p>Maria Jiunta Heck</p><p>Life Deconstructed</p></bylineMeta></div><div class="metaInfo"><shirttailMeta><p>Maria Jiunta Heck of West Pittston is a mother of three and a business owner who lives to dissect the minutiae of life. Send Maria an email at mariajh40@msn.com.</p></shirttailMeta></div>

Life Deconstructed: An empty nest isn’t so great after all