web1_NWSLogo_400x400.jpg

Mixture of sunshine, chance of rain expected into the weekend

Oil pipeline protesters brace for confrontation with police

<p>Who sucked all the fun out of Halloween?</p><p>I know it must&#8217;ve been the same man who also decided the fun sized Almond Joys weren&#8217;t small enough and therefore made them extra-extra-mini, non-fun sized.</p><p>Not happy, people. Not fun. Not happy.</p><p>Things are so different now. I mean, can you even offer trick-or-treaters Almond Joys? What if they have a nut allergy? A coconut allergy?</p><p>What about trying to get on board with the healthy millennial offering of pretzels?</p><p>Hello? Gluten allergy! Wheat allergy!</p><p>What&#8217;s left?!</p><p>If we gave out celery sticks and apples I know some little superhero will pee on my porch and I&#8217;m not willing to take that chance.</p><p>Trick-or-treaters have become so elitist! I&#8217;ve had them grab handfuls of crap and fling what they don&#8217;t want onto my front lawn! Or the really vocal ones will give me righteousness right at my door.</p><p>Like: &#8220;All you have is this crappy little box of Mike n&#8217;Ikes? Yuck!&#8221;</p><p>&#8220;OK, chubby little Iron Man, I&#8217;ll tell you what; how about I put a Lean Cuisine in your pillowcase? Would you like that, instead? I didn&#8217;t think so.&#8221;</p><p>In my day (yes I said that), my sister and I would run amok all over the sketchiest blocks of South Wilkes Barre, back when you didn&#8217;t need a Taser after dark to do so. We trooped for miles all night long and dragged our bags home way later than I would ever allow my own children to stay out.</p><p>We&#8217;d empty our full-sized candy bars onto the linoleum, (not on the good green shag), and pilfer through the booty. We were always disappointed that my mother never felt the compulsion to check our candy bars for infiltration of foreign objects.</p><p>&#8220;Mom! Check these for razor blades!&#8221;</p><p>She would sigh: &#8220;Oh, please. Who has the time and money to buy razor blades and slide them into a Mounds bar? Urban legend &#8230;&#8221;</p><p>&#8220;OK, well, I heard that mean people are using syringes to inject candy with poison! Don&#8217;t you want to look this over?&#8221;</p><p>&#8220;Girls. The only place to buy hypodermic syringes is at your father&#8217;s pharmacy and the only person who buys them is Mr. Hughes, for his diabetes, and I highly doubt he would be injecting his insulin into your Mallo Cups &#8230;&#8221;</p><p>She had a point.</p><p>We were both relieved and a little deflated that we couldn&#8217;t share tall tales of terror at school the next day. These were the days before actual evil really settled into our neighborhoods, taking hold of our kids&#8217; fun and adolescence and high jacking it for their own desperation.</p><p>These were the days before busloads of children were transported from town to town to trick or treat. We all knew who the witch and ghosts were who rang our doorbells and had no qualms about letting them come in and perform their really sorrowful songs and dances.</p><p>Life was innocent. Life was good.</p><p>I dressed up as a belly dancer/possible street walker and no one made fun of me like they would today.</p><p>I&#8217;ve decided I&#8217;m cancelling Halloween this year. When something hits zero on my amusement meter, then I&#8217;m obligated to hit delete. I know. I&#8217;m now a hypocrite because I&#8217;ve become the Halloween Funsucker. But I&#8217;m the funsucker cloaked in darkness, under my blanket, enjoying an entire bag of miniscule, fun-sized Almond Joys while watching a &#8220;Golden Girls&#8221; marathon. With a fun-sized mug of Pinot.</p><p>I bet you a roll of Smarties there will be pee on my porch. Stupid Iron Man. Hope your Halloween will be just as happy!</p><style>
.neFileBlock {
	margin-bottom: 20px;
}
.neFileBlock p {
	margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px;
}
.neFileBlock .neFile {
	border-bottom: 1px dotted #aaa;
	padding-bottom: 5px;
	padding-top: 10px;
}
.neFileBlock .neCaption {
	font-size: 85%;
}
</style>
<div class='neFileBlock'>
<div class="neFile"><img class="neImage" src="https://www.timesleader.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/web1_mjh-6.jpg">
<div class="neCaption"></div></div><div class="metaInfo"><photo0>https://www.timesleader.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/web1_mjh-6.jpg</photo0><caption0></caption0><photoCredit0></photoCredit0></div></div>
<div class="metaInfo"><bylineMeta><p>Maria Jiunta Heck</p><p>Life Deconstructed</p></bylineMeta></div><div class="metaInfo"><shirttailMeta><p>Maria Jiunta Heck of West Pittston is a mother of three and a business owner who lives to dissect the minutiae of life. Send Maria an email at mariajh40@msn.com.</p></shirttailMeta></div>

Life Deconstructed: Halloween: delight or delete?